(a part from my sour restack - which has nothing to do with you and more with the fact that I feel rejected by my homecountry) I like your perspective. I fell in love with Melbourne because waking up with the backdrop of a big city with modern history makes me feel like I am part of something bigger, and it fills me with pride and makes me thing ' yep, that's exactly where I want to be' and while most people dreeeeeam of Italian holidays, I don't need a holiday because I am living my dream everyday. We are lucky!
We are so lucky! I have very complicated feelings about California too. Among other things, it was difficult to ever imagine affording to buy a house there.
Sometimes I think it’s easier to fit in somewhere you’re not expected to.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story. In our early thirties, my wife and I had the chance to take my company up on a transfer from Arizona to Australia. I had always wanted to go there and all of a sudden we were holding permanent residence visas and were flying to Melbourne. Shortly after our arrival I was moved to Sydney.
We loved it there. For us Australia was beautiful. It was like the US but very different. Then we were hit with that full life feeling you wrote about. About a year after we moved there we found out we were expecting our first child. We just couldn’t see starting our own family so far away from our parents. So at a financial loss we broke my contract and went home.
Was it the best decision? Looking back from our retirement of course there is no way to know that. But we have many wonderful memories of our time there.
There’s something to be said for keeping the memory of that first magical year pristine. Amsterdam and I are like any couple married a decade. We’ve had our ups and downs, and even kind of lost our spark for awhile. Posting my photos here on Substack and seeing her through other’s eyes has helped me fall back in love. But my first love will always be Italy.
"Was it the best decision?" I like that you focus on the wonderful memories rather than regret. I live 4000+km from family (I'm in Western Australia and my family is in Sydney) and I have a full and beautiful life ... but as I get older, I worry about my parents so far away. But leaving here would mean leaving my adult children behind. It's always hard having your feet and heart in two (or many places).
It’s hard to be pulled in multiple directions. Something I realised after writing this piece is that one reason I feel comfortable living far from my parents is that my husband and I both have multiple siblings living close to them. I can imagine I would feel differently were that not the case.
You've articulated the dilemma so perfectly. My husband and I left Colorado four years ago in search of a more beautiful existence elsewhere in the U.S. We've certainly lived in many beautiful places since, but we've struggled to find the same deep friendships and sense of community we had in CO, so much so that we're considering moving back, despite my reservations about the dry climate and the mountains feeling claustrophobic. But there's still a part of me that thinks - hopes - somewhere out there (likely abroad) exists where we can have both...
Wow, thank you! I'd never thought of it like this, but this rings so true. When I think of why we stay in NZ I keep coming back to things like the light, the air, the green, the beaches...and then a voice in my head says Those Aren't Real Reasons, think of your family & friends & careers & etc. But but beauty is beauty. It's on the list of things to live for, surely. And I go in circles again. But now I've got a name for it. Thank you.
Here's a question: why is the strange *more* beautiful to us, or a more powerful draw, than the beauty we grew up with? One of the things I miss most are the particular beauties of home. There's not really any deserts here, for example. Is this just an aesthetic choice (old European cities vs. big American spaces, say) or a wonder that comes with being an outsider?
One last thing--your ending on the choice reminded me of James Wood's great essay on the same question. He left the UK for the US, and can't say he made the right choice either. It's expat canon, so so good! https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v36/n04/james-wood/on-not-going-home
And I was chewing on 'the cost' in a post this week myself. Just tagged your piece over there. Thanks for this, truly! Onward into the beautiful fog we go!
Hm, it’s an interesting question. I think some of us have brains hardwired for novelty. I get a kind of euphoric high from seeing a new landscape. But yes, beauty is also subjective. I know plenty of Europeans enchanted with this or that bit of the States.
I enjoyed your little lit review. Thanks for the shoutout!
Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your experience and the reference to the books. Such an inspiring piece!
I recently posted a reflection on turning points in expat life and the questions I’ve learned to ask in order to ensure that each chapter I live abroad is intentional. Your reflection on a beautiful or full life really resonates with me. I’ve always assessed my current situation, wherever I live, in relation to my ideal life, based on several parameters. What’s important to recognize is that priorities shift over time, and what made life full, beautiful, or ideal at one point may not be the same as time passes. This has been crucial for me in navigating expat life so far, because emigrating is a marathon, not a sprint!
Absolutely love this post, Sarah. I completely get the dilemma of seeking beauty where I live - for me, that is very much a part of living a full life. It's why I wonder about moving to the country, where it is cooler and quieter, despite finding beauty in the suburbs if I look. And why I still want to live in Europe for a while, even if only for a few months. I'm so drawn to it and haven't seen nearly enough. I suspect it would be hard to leave ... but then Australia is home, where my children are.
I have moved a lot around Australia. I've now lived on the opposite side of the country to my parents and extended family for 20 years - we're 4000+km apart. It felt like a different country when I moved here and, while it was exciting, it was also isolating during a very challenging life period. I do worry about my parents as they age - they look more frail every time I see them. Would I move back to Sydney? No - it's way too expensive and I have a better quality of life in Perth. There is no way I could live 10 mins from the beach in Sydney.
When I feel jealous of expat Brits and their short hop over the channel, I think of Australians, and how long it takes to get anywhere from there.
My husband and I are both lucky enough to have several siblings, most of whom live close to our parents. I can imagine I might make different choices if I were an only child.
Elegantly stated personal view of how travel, experiencing other ways of life - enriches us!
I grew up in a travelling family. As a teacher, when parents wished to take their kids on a holiday, it was encouraged as education. Being retired now, my husband and I will periodically spend two months in a rented house ‘living’ in that European country. We shop locally, eat mostly at our temporary home, engage as much as possible with people we meet. Many wonderful people have passed through our life, some becoming longterm friends. This coming Fall, we look forward to staying in a small village in France. Being grandparents with family nearby, this route is best for us.
However, I very much admire your tenacity in relocating to Europe at a young age. You took the leap and have discovered your happiness.
I used to think I could live anywhere as long as I had my overstuffed bookcase and my stacks of stuff to read with me. But when you live in a place that stifles you, inspiration can dissipate quickly. I think for most people, family & friend relations are what round out their lives and keep them rooted to a place. But inertia also keeps people rooted when they should allow themselves the joy of discovery and growth in a new place. So when one finds that inspiration, be it the mountains of the moon or an old city center, I hope people can follow the beauty it holds for them. And if they bring along a beautiful picnic basket to enjoy the moments, all the better!
Really interesting question, about whether pursuing the life we desire means sacrificing its fullness. As I was reading, I decided that living abroad has given me a taste for ‘an exhilarating life’, which is definitely something I’m still pursuing since repatriation.
(a part from my sour restack - which has nothing to do with you and more with the fact that I feel rejected by my homecountry) I like your perspective. I fell in love with Melbourne because waking up with the backdrop of a big city with modern history makes me feel like I am part of something bigger, and it fills me with pride and makes me thing ' yep, that's exactly where I want to be' and while most people dreeeeeam of Italian holidays, I don't need a holiday because I am living my dream everyday. We are lucky!
We are so lucky! I have very complicated feelings about California too. Among other things, it was difficult to ever imagine affording to buy a house there.
Sometimes I think it’s easier to fit in somewhere you’re not expected to.
It is!! That's why I think travelling is such a great opportunity to know yourself and find your path
Agree, Barbs! It opens your ideas to what-ifs as well as gratitude for where you choose to be.
You get me, Monique ;)
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story. In our early thirties, my wife and I had the chance to take my company up on a transfer from Arizona to Australia. I had always wanted to go there and all of a sudden we were holding permanent residence visas and were flying to Melbourne. Shortly after our arrival I was moved to Sydney.
We loved it there. For us Australia was beautiful. It was like the US but very different. Then we were hit with that full life feeling you wrote about. About a year after we moved there we found out we were expecting our first child. We just couldn’t see starting our own family so far away from our parents. So at a financial loss we broke my contract and went home.
Was it the best decision? Looking back from our retirement of course there is no way to know that. But we have many wonderful memories of our time there.
There’s something to be said for keeping the memory of that first magical year pristine. Amsterdam and I are like any couple married a decade. We’ve had our ups and downs, and even kind of lost our spark for awhile. Posting my photos here on Substack and seeing her through other’s eyes has helped me fall back in love. But my first love will always be Italy.
"Was it the best decision?" I like that you focus on the wonderful memories rather than regret. I live 4000+km from family (I'm in Western Australia and my family is in Sydney) and I have a full and beautiful life ... but as I get older, I worry about my parents so far away. But leaving here would mean leaving my adult children behind. It's always hard having your feet and heart in two (or many places).
It’s hard to be pulled in multiple directions. Something I realised after writing this piece is that one reason I feel comfortable living far from my parents is that my husband and I both have multiple siblings living close to them. I can imagine I would feel differently were that not the case.
as an adopted Aussie, I can imagine how that was a tough choice!
Complimenti, a well written analysis of an expat life, from the heart and mind!
Keep it up! I've done it for the last 50 odd years!
Peter
There’s really nothing like living abroad, is there? It’s worth everything you give up.
Beautiful piece that resonates deeply with me. Thank you.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for bringing the beauty to us Americans - you are my favorite person to follow on Notes because of all the gorgeous photos.
Oh, you’re so kind! I love seeing Amsterdam through the eyes of other people. It helps me appreciate it more too.
I CAN FLY WHIT YOU! ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
You've articulated the dilemma so perfectly. My husband and I left Colorado four years ago in search of a more beautiful existence elsewhere in the U.S. We've certainly lived in many beautiful places since, but we've struggled to find the same deep friendships and sense of community we had in CO, so much so that we're considering moving back, despite my reservations about the dry climate and the mountains feeling claustrophobic. But there's still a part of me that thinks - hopes - somewhere out there (likely abroad) exists where we can have both...
I hope you find your place, whether it’s Colorado or somewhere else.
What a treat to read this! 💕
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
Wow, thank you! I'd never thought of it like this, but this rings so true. When I think of why we stay in NZ I keep coming back to things like the light, the air, the green, the beaches...and then a voice in my head says Those Aren't Real Reasons, think of your family & friends & careers & etc. But but beauty is beauty. It's on the list of things to live for, surely. And I go in circles again. But now I've got a name for it. Thank you.
Here's a question: why is the strange *more* beautiful to us, or a more powerful draw, than the beauty we grew up with? One of the things I miss most are the particular beauties of home. There's not really any deserts here, for example. Is this just an aesthetic choice (old European cities vs. big American spaces, say) or a wonder that comes with being an outsider?
One last thing--your ending on the choice reminded me of James Wood's great essay on the same question. He left the UK for the US, and can't say he made the right choice either. It's expat canon, so so good! https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v36/n04/james-wood/on-not-going-home
And I was chewing on 'the cost' in a post this week myself. Just tagged your piece over there. Thanks for this, truly! Onward into the beautiful fog we go!
Hm, it’s an interesting question. I think some of us have brains hardwired for novelty. I get a kind of euphoric high from seeing a new landscape. But yes, beauty is also subjective. I know plenty of Europeans enchanted with this or that bit of the States.
I enjoyed your little lit review. Thanks for the shoutout!
Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your experience and the reference to the books. Such an inspiring piece!
I recently posted a reflection on turning points in expat life and the questions I’ve learned to ask in order to ensure that each chapter I live abroad is intentional. Your reflection on a beautiful or full life really resonates with me. I’ve always assessed my current situation, wherever I live, in relation to my ideal life, based on several parameters. What’s important to recognize is that priorities shift over time, and what made life full, beautiful, or ideal at one point may not be the same as time passes. This has been crucial for me in navigating expat life so far, because emigrating is a marathon, not a sprint!
Definitely a marathon. And sometimes you’re running, sometimes walking, maybe sometimes even crawling.
Absolutely love this post, Sarah. I completely get the dilemma of seeking beauty where I live - for me, that is very much a part of living a full life. It's why I wonder about moving to the country, where it is cooler and quieter, despite finding beauty in the suburbs if I look. And why I still want to live in Europe for a while, even if only for a few months. I'm so drawn to it and haven't seen nearly enough. I suspect it would be hard to leave ... but then Australia is home, where my children are.
I have moved a lot around Australia. I've now lived on the opposite side of the country to my parents and extended family for 20 years - we're 4000+km apart. It felt like a different country when I moved here and, while it was exciting, it was also isolating during a very challenging life period. I do worry about my parents as they age - they look more frail every time I see them. Would I move back to Sydney? No - it's way too expensive and I have a better quality of life in Perth. There is no way I could live 10 mins from the beach in Sydney.
When I feel jealous of expat Brits and their short hop over the channel, I think of Australians, and how long it takes to get anywhere from there.
My husband and I are both lucky enough to have several siblings, most of whom live close to our parents. I can imagine I might make different choices if I were an only child.
Elegantly stated personal view of how travel, experiencing other ways of life - enriches us!
I grew up in a travelling family. As a teacher, when parents wished to take their kids on a holiday, it was encouraged as education. Being retired now, my husband and I will periodically spend two months in a rented house ‘living’ in that European country. We shop locally, eat mostly at our temporary home, engage as much as possible with people we meet. Many wonderful people have passed through our life, some becoming longterm friends. This coming Fall, we look forward to staying in a small village in France. Being grandparents with family nearby, this route is best for us.
However, I very much admire your tenacity in relocating to Europe at a young age. You took the leap and have discovered your happiness.
Sounds like you’ve found the perfect balance. Two months in a little village in France sounds heavenly.
So happy you have embraced this “adventure “ for beauty, a slower pace, history, food, and the experience of a life time!
I’m happy too! No real regrets.
I used to think I could live anywhere as long as I had my overstuffed bookcase and my stacks of stuff to read with me. But when you live in a place that stifles you, inspiration can dissipate quickly. I think for most people, family & friend relations are what round out their lives and keep them rooted to a place. But inertia also keeps people rooted when they should allow themselves the joy of discovery and growth in a new place. So when one finds that inspiration, be it the mountains of the moon or an old city center, I hope people can follow the beauty it holds for them. And if they bring along a beautiful picnic basket to enjoy the moments, all the better!
Really interesting question, about whether pursuing the life we desire means sacrificing its fullness. As I was reading, I decided that living abroad has given me a taste for ‘an exhilarating life’, which is definitely something I’m still pursuing since repatriation.
Yes, I’ve definitely realised that community is what you make.