What a sweet thing to read on a Saturday morning. Thanks so much for sharing it with the world. The suburbs of Brussels is one of the longest times we’ve lived in one place so I’ve really enjoyed following your story.
Lovely to hear from a reader nearby! I’ve sadly only been through Brussels on my way to other places. I need to do a proper visit. What brought you there?
Reading your words makes me feel like I’m not so alone! This is beautifully written! I relate to the feeling of not really wanting to stay in one place for too long (my husband and I and our daughter have moved a lot). Sometimes I wonder if there is a problem within me of being discontent, though I always do “bloom where planted” and I think it’s just that I want to see this great big world! There’s so much to see! I’m excited to follow along and hear about your move to Italy! And this also makes me want to go check out Amsterdam 😊
There’s a line in the movie Shadowlands, where C.S. Lewis (Anthony Hopkins!) says: “We read to know that we are not alone.” I think about that a lot. It’s certainly true for me as a reader, but there’s something special about finding it true from the writer side as well. We’re both a little less alone today.
I relate to this. I have a very complicated story which means I have a very complicated answer to, “Where are you from?” and the unspoken, “Where do you belong?” I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say for sure, especially since, like you, my adult life hasn’t made the answers any easier. Home is something I think about all the time, though.
Thank you, that's so kind of you. I haven't touched anything to do with writing since my son's accident, besides the emotional outlet that is Substack. But I'm hoping to get back into it sometime soon.
Beautifully written Sarah s do two beautiful photos of you and your partner in San Diego and the amazing fig tree at the top. Hope your son is recuperating well.
Love your self-awareness here, Sarah! And I hope to visit your bookshop one of these days. For now, as I said in my own notes , you can be creating it in your imagination - such a gift of being human. Hope your son is doing okay.
He is doing well, although a bit bored being in bed all day. Thanks so much for asking. Just before Christmas he’ll have an x-ray to see how he’s healing and whether the casts can come off, so our fingers are very much crossed for that.
Our train from Rome to Spello passed by Narni yesterday and I thought of you. Living in Umbria will surely be less convenient than living in Amsterdam but I do see the appeal of moving here. These hilltop towns are made of stone but are alive.
"I guess in the grand scheme of things, a phobia of outer space is one of the easiest to manage. Just don’t go there. " made me laugh. I am glad you can call many places 'home' and by choice! We're lucky
I’ve always heard as a child “home is where the heart is”. What that means I guess you can always interpret any way you want 🤣. I am glad you are still doing the bookshop. I am thankful Raj is doing better. I would love to go to Italy and go to all the shops and explore but now I am grateful for your journey and because you express it so well I will dream of the day I get to come and visit your home in Italy. I loved the furniture you picked out and I love the journey of your home in Amsterdam and Italy . But to experience this in real life would be a treasure. Much love to you and Tony and Raj and Axa. We need to FaceTime . Love you and hugs Aunt Debra
" It’s also the place I learned that no matter how much you feel at home, it doesn’t mean you’ll be allowed to stay." poignant words, especially for these days.
That’s lovely, I’ve just found your essays today, but I was worried when i read about your son’s accident and recovery, and now I feel reassured that you’ll be here for his physio - but I’ve always wanted a bookstore, and like you my life has had plenty of moves in it. Often living in two places at once - because of working in one place and having a home in another. But the past few years have made a change in my life. Clearly I’m quite a lot older than you, I moved to the Netherlands from Chicago when I was 36, now I’m 67.5 - I’ve almost spent more time here than anywhere else together. But I also worked in the UK (N Ireland, Scotland, England and Wales), travelled a lot to the Balkans and had a vacation house in the Czech Republic near Karlovy Vary, like you have hours in Narni in Italy. I always wanted a used book store (not new books) combined with a tea shop/coffee cafe, and I have collected teapots my entire adult life, and also porcelain tea cups and coffee cups, creamers and sugarers and cake plates. I could probably feed most of an army and it all lives in the completely stuffed cabinet in my serre. The books to start the store are in about 80 boxes in storage as my house is too small for all of them, there are about 1500 books in the living room. It’s a very tiny house, which is what I could afford when I decided to retire here back in 2018. Even then I still had the vacation house, which I gave up in 2019. And then came March 2020 with Covid - lockdowns and for the first time in my life, I slept every night in my same bed here in my house, for 16 straight months. Even as a child, we spent a week or two in a cottage for fishing in August, and in June we drove to see National Parks for 2-3 weeks, my Dad had worked over 20 years to get 4 weeks holiday, a rarity in the US. And so here I was 16 months in the same place - and without the distraction of travelling places for the weekend or to see something new And I found that my wanderlust, that I was sure was a huge part of my psychological makeup, really wasn’t I was completely happy at home, making a pot of tea and a little jam tart. That year and a bit really changed who I am, so that now I am looking forward to retirement in this house. And I would guess at 67.5 I could probably give up some of my teapots and teacups. Should you think your bookstore might need a tea/coffee nook with it, please let me know, as I’ve got everything you might need for it!
Excellent question, Walter! I lived in Italy for a year fifteen years ago, and my Italian is still better than my Dutch, even though I’ve taken several Dutch courses and not a single Italian course. The fact that Dutch people in Amsterdam speak such good English does make it difficult to practice. And they’re (perhaps understandably) not very patient about speaking Dutch with yet another bumbling foreigner.
Culture also plays a role. The number of Dutch people who’ve lectured, scolded, or laughed at me over my language skills is pretty shocking. Whereas in my experience Italians are almost without exception patient, encouraging and kind to someone making an attempt at their language. For me, that has made all the difference. Going back to Italy is like slipping into a warm bath.
Having a thick skin is vital if you want to tackle Dutch or keep your psyche intact in Dutch culture. I’m doing way better now after a few years of therapy, but it’s a rough world out there. I spent a lot of time crying in bathrooms my first few years here. There are a lot of very kind Dutch people too, but a degree of “Dutch directness” is acceptable here that would be flat-out rude most other places. Immigrants here either love it and feel relief at being able to say exactly what they think at all times, or find it hard to adapt, like I did. It seems to be mostly a matter of personality.
What a sweet thing to read on a Saturday morning. Thanks so much for sharing it with the world. The suburbs of Brussels is one of the longest times we’ve lived in one place so I’ve really enjoyed following your story.
Lovely to hear from a reader nearby! I’ve sadly only been through Brussels on my way to other places. I need to do a proper visit. What brought you there?
Reading your words makes me feel like I’m not so alone! This is beautifully written! I relate to the feeling of not really wanting to stay in one place for too long (my husband and I and our daughter have moved a lot). Sometimes I wonder if there is a problem within me of being discontent, though I always do “bloom where planted” and I think it’s just that I want to see this great big world! There’s so much to see! I’m excited to follow along and hear about your move to Italy! And this also makes me want to go check out Amsterdam 😊
There’s a line in the movie Shadowlands, where C.S. Lewis (Anthony Hopkins!) says: “We read to know that we are not alone.” I think about that a lot. It’s certainly true for me as a reader, but there’s something special about finding it true from the writer side as well. We’re both a little less alone today.
This made my day! Less alone… Yes! Thank you!
I relate to this. I have a very complicated story which means I have a very complicated answer to, “Where are you from?” and the unspoken, “Where do you belong?” I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say for sure, especially since, like you, my adult life hasn’t made the answers any easier. Home is something I think about all the time, though.
I think the farther we feel from having home, the more we think about it.
Oof, yes. This year has untethered me from any place more than ever, so that makes a lot of sense.
San Diego is my home too despite only living there 2.5 years overall.
We missed you at writing group, been thinking of you and sending support.
Thank you, that's so kind of you. I haven't touched anything to do with writing since my son's accident, besides the emotional outlet that is Substack. But I'm hoping to get back into it sometime soon.
Totally understandable. ❤️
Beautifully written Sarah s do two beautiful photos of you and your partner in San Diego and the amazing fig tree at the top. Hope your son is recuperating well.
He’s feeling a bit better day by day, and off almost all his pain medications. Just waiting for his x-ray in December to see how things are healing.
Love your self-awareness here, Sarah! And I hope to visit your bookshop one of these days. For now, as I said in my own notes , you can be creating it in your imagination - such a gift of being human. Hope your son is doing okay.
He is doing well, although a bit bored being in bed all day. Thanks so much for asking. Just before Christmas he’ll have an x-ray to see how he’s healing and whether the casts can come off, so our fingers are very much crossed for that.
Our train from Rome to Spello passed by Narni yesterday and I thought of you. Living in Umbria will surely be less convenient than living in Amsterdam but I do see the appeal of moving here. These hilltop towns are made of stone but are alive.
I love how you can see the Rocca from all over the Terni valley. Spello is like that too, lovely up on a hill.
"I guess in the grand scheme of things, a phobia of outer space is one of the easiest to manage. Just don’t go there. " made me laugh. I am glad you can call many places 'home' and by choice! We're lucky
We are so lucky! I think I wrote this halfway to remind myself of that.
I’ve always heard as a child “home is where the heart is”. What that means I guess you can always interpret any way you want 🤣. I am glad you are still doing the bookshop. I am thankful Raj is doing better. I would love to go to Italy and go to all the shops and explore but now I am grateful for your journey and because you express it so well I will dream of the day I get to come and visit your home in Italy. I loved the furniture you picked out and I love the journey of your home in Amsterdam and Italy . But to experience this in real life would be a treasure. Much love to you and Tony and Raj and Axa. We need to FaceTime . Love you and hugs Aunt Debra
Now I’m living vicariously reading my own old posts too! Sometime next year we’ll make it back to Italy.
" It’s also the place I learned that no matter how much you feel at home, it doesn’t mean you’ll be allowed to stay." poignant words, especially for these days.
Yes, there are a lot of reasons for people not to feel welcome somewhere. It’s a lonely feeling.
Lots to ponder.
Thanks for reading!
That’s lovely, I’ve just found your essays today, but I was worried when i read about your son’s accident and recovery, and now I feel reassured that you’ll be here for his physio - but I’ve always wanted a bookstore, and like you my life has had plenty of moves in it. Often living in two places at once - because of working in one place and having a home in another. But the past few years have made a change in my life. Clearly I’m quite a lot older than you, I moved to the Netherlands from Chicago when I was 36, now I’m 67.5 - I’ve almost spent more time here than anywhere else together. But I also worked in the UK (N Ireland, Scotland, England and Wales), travelled a lot to the Balkans and had a vacation house in the Czech Republic near Karlovy Vary, like you have hours in Narni in Italy. I always wanted a used book store (not new books) combined with a tea shop/coffee cafe, and I have collected teapots my entire adult life, and also porcelain tea cups and coffee cups, creamers and sugarers and cake plates. I could probably feed most of an army and it all lives in the completely stuffed cabinet in my serre. The books to start the store are in about 80 boxes in storage as my house is too small for all of them, there are about 1500 books in the living room. It’s a very tiny house, which is what I could afford when I decided to retire here back in 2018. Even then I still had the vacation house, which I gave up in 2019. And then came March 2020 with Covid - lockdowns and for the first time in my life, I slept every night in my same bed here in my house, for 16 straight months. Even as a child, we spent a week or two in a cottage for fishing in August, and in June we drove to see National Parks for 2-3 weeks, my Dad had worked over 20 years to get 4 weeks holiday, a rarity in the US. And so here I was 16 months in the same place - and without the distraction of travelling places for the weekend or to see something new And I found that my wanderlust, that I was sure was a huge part of my psychological makeup, really wasn’t I was completely happy at home, making a pot of tea and a little jam tart. That year and a bit really changed who I am, so that now I am looking forward to retirement in this house. And I would guess at 67.5 I could probably give up some of my teapots and teacups. Should you think your bookstore might need a tea/coffee nook with it, please let me know, as I’ve got everything you might need for it!
I’m in Zeeuws-Vlaanderen, just on the Dutch side of the border near Ghent.
Excellent question, Walter! I lived in Italy for a year fifteen years ago, and my Italian is still better than my Dutch, even though I’ve taken several Dutch courses and not a single Italian course. The fact that Dutch people in Amsterdam speak such good English does make it difficult to practice. And they’re (perhaps understandably) not very patient about speaking Dutch with yet another bumbling foreigner.
Culture also plays a role. The number of Dutch people who’ve lectured, scolded, or laughed at me over my language skills is pretty shocking. Whereas in my experience Italians are almost without exception patient, encouraging and kind to someone making an attempt at their language. For me, that has made all the difference. Going back to Italy is like slipping into a warm bath.
Having a thick skin is vital if you want to tackle Dutch or keep your psyche intact in Dutch culture. I’m doing way better now after a few years of therapy, but it’s a rough world out there. I spent a lot of time crying in bathrooms my first few years here. There are a lot of very kind Dutch people too, but a degree of “Dutch directness” is acceptable here that would be flat-out rude most other places. Immigrants here either love it and feel relief at being able to say exactly what they think at all times, or find it hard to adapt, like I did. It seems to be mostly a matter of personality.